


Spilling The Tea

by loudestfandomsoftheworld



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Bisexual Albus Severus Potter, Bisexual Scorpius Malfoy, Gen, How Do I Tag, Modern AU, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Scorpius is a bi dork because I'm the author and I can decide, Social Media, They/Them pronouns for Dominique, YouTube, Youtube AU, a wedding involved ;)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 03:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16926024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loudestfandomsoftheworld/pseuds/loudestfandomsoftheworld
Summary: Albus is one of the biggest YouTubers in the world, Scorpius is arguably one of his biggest fans.When Scorpius' best friend Dominique asks for him to be their date to their cousin's wedding, after a long time of no contact with their family Scorpius agrees, partly because the wedding is in Portugal and he's a slut for beautiful locations, and partly because Dominique needs a support small YouTuber with more stickers on his kettle than friends.





	Spilling The Tea

“What is up my people!” The small screen of Scorpius’ phone lit up with white light as the pitch black intro ended, it was 3 A.M, and the youtuber Albusthinks uploaded a new video, a new video Scorpius had to watch.

“Today I am doing somewhat of a Q&A, but for every question I get about my love life I will cut out half a minute of the upcoming livestream, so we’ll be starting with 60 minutes, and this will all be your own fault.” Scorpius rolled his eyes and blamed the fangirls for the upcoming livestream probably being about a second long.

“The first question of the day; ‘are you gay?’ I consider that a question about my love life which means you have officially made the livestream 59 and a half minutes long.” Albus laughed and scrolled down his phone. “’Where do you live?’ Bold of you to assume I live. ‘Are you dating?’ You people really do like fucking up others’ entertainment don’t you?” A small countdown clock appeared in the corner of the screen, now standing on 59:00.

“’Hottest celeb?’ That’s still about my love life kiddo, but if you really wanna know, it’s definitely Mothman.” The countdown clock went down another 30 seconds, and as the video quickly sped up and the clock went down another 1800 seconds, Scorpius could do nothing but assume that all of the questions had been about Albus’ love life.

“Here’s a good one: ‘Favourite youtuber to watch at the moment.’ I’ve been binging all of those conspiracy theory videos lately, but there’s this one youtuber that makes like content that’s all over the place, but he’s great, he goes by imascorpius on all social media and I highly recommend you go check him out.” Scorpius yelped, that was his username, he had just been mentioned in a youtube video by his favourite youtuber ever. Scorpius hugged his phone and yawned slightly as his mouth curled into a smile.

Scorpius didn’t know why he woke up tangled in his earplugs with his phone dangling off the side of his bed until he opened his phone and saw Albus’ face again, to which he screamed and realised that it must not have been a dream.

His phone started ringing in his hand, which caused him to fall off the bed. “Scorpius! Did you see the new video?” Dominique, Scorpius’ best friend, appeared on the screen with their face suspiciously close to the camera. “I did! He mentioned me!” He screamed back, jumping back onto his bed. “You might actually get to meet your favourite youtuber now.” They told their friend, laughing at his looks.

“Shut up, you’re moving way too fast.” “Which reminds me, do you remember that old family of mine that I haven’t seen in like 8 years?” Dominique asked, a pout on their face. “They invited me for some weird family get together, me! Like I haven't seen most of them in even longer than 8 years.” Scorpius rolled his eyes at the whining of his best friend. ”You know, if you want to guilt trip me into coming, I probably won't come with you." Dominique sighed. "Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy, my dearestes friens, would you please come with me to the family gathering?" The man laughed. "Well if you say it like that, of course I will, captain asshole supreme."

Dominique stuck up their middle finger and hung up, with that Scorpius was truly alone in his apartment on a Sunday at 2 in the afternoon, and he had promised a video for Monday, fuck.

-

“Hey guys, what is up, I just woke up so I’m obviously drinking tea, and that my friends is obvious proof of my British-ness.” Scorpius sat in his usual filming spot with a cup of tea and his laptop. “I’m going to read an essay I wrote when I was 12, which is a full 12 years ago, and I have needed that time to recover from the eternal cringe.”

He finished the video quickly and then opened his twitter, which after the initial shock of gaining a full 20 thousand followers, was pretty wild, everywhere people were mentioning him and Albus being in a relationship, and that weirded him the fuck out, he was a big fan, not his boyfriend of 6 years as a theory suggested.

@ iamascorpius:

what is it with people thinking me and @ albusp are together, at least take me out on a date first albus.

he tweeted, hoping it would settle everything, which it didn’t, it only fired up more comments, and as he went out shopping for clothes for the gathering with Dominique, some random guy even asked if he was buying his suit for his wedding with Albus.

Within a week he had gained 100 thousand new subscribers, which got him to 500 thousand, and he was enjoying the shit out of it, it was amazing to be famous enough to get a free coffee in obscure hipster places, but not famous enough to be trampled by fans, it was just the right balance.

Scorpius was also kind of freaked out, because his favourite youtuber Albus, you know that guy, hadn't uploaded in 2 weeks, and that guy was on a very tight uploading schedule, then again, if he went online and harassed him about it (like some people do) he would be, well he would feel kind of like an asshole.

It was also the day on which he realised Albus hadn't really uploaded, that Dominique ran into his apartment screaming bloody murder, they'd forgotten to tell him that the family gathering was in fucking Portugal, not like some town named Portugal, but literally Portugal, and they had forgotten to buy tickets, so they would be a day later than the rest of their family.

Now you see, the real big problem with that, was that the last two tickets were, well, for the plane leaving at 4 in the bloody morning! That night! And Scorpius still hadn't packed, because he thought his best friend had told him they didn't have to go to fucking Portugal for a week.

-

So Dominique was rich. Yup.

It was difficult to process at first, when a flight attendant guided them past the lines and showed them their seats on the plane, Scorpius thought it was politeness or something, when another flight attendant handed them champagne on entrance, he assumed some fancy festivity at the airline, but when Scorpius got to sit in a spacy seat, far away from annoying people, he began to wonder, and look at his ticket, and nearly scream at the words 'first class'.

"Oh my dear God," Scorpius said as Dominique looked up at him. "Do you know how much money these tickets cost?" They shrugged. "Calm down, my sister paid for us."

“Why did you even leave your family?” Scorpius asked, looking at the people around them piling into their seats. “They have so much money if they can pay for this like out of nothing." Dominique raised an eyebrow at him. "Told you this before, I left because they were- because they're always expecting the best from everyone, my family has always been top of the bill, and I had to be too."

“And nobody thought anything of that?” Dominique shook her head.

“Your family is fucked up.”

“Your grandparents were nazis.”

“Shut up.”

The two friends laughed, but Scorpius saw Dominique blink away a tear or two.

“You okay ‘Nique?”

“Perfectly fine.”

“Great.”

The flight wasn’t that long, but it was 4 in the morning and Scorpius was tired as hell, he rested his head against Dominique's shoulder, and closed his eyes, still hearing the faint voice of one of the flight attendants as he fell asleep

-

The moment they arrived was horrible, some asshole baby started to scream and Scorpius was not there for it, the parents were also not very nice, telling him to stop whining and walk the path of God. (Something about the couple told Scorpius they were very Christian, and it was definitely totally not the gigantic cross drawn on their suitcase.) He hated how they started out with champagne and ended with screaming Jesus babies.

Now everything would have been fine and dandy if their bags hadn't been taken to the bloody other side of the airport. It took a long walk, but they succeeded in finding their bags. To realise their hotel was a 2 hour drive though, that was a bit more difficult for Scorpius.

Their taxi driver spoke like 8 words English: _yes, no, thank you, we are here and fuck._ Scorpius wondered who had taught the chubby bald man well into his 60s those words, but it didn't really matter, because he had handed them the aux cord and drove very freely on the freeway.

The hotel was to say in words a combination of 'holy shit that's big' and 'this shit costs more than Buckingham Palace', because holy shit the hotel had over 2000 rooms, not counting the public spaces.

Scorpius breathed, how was he not super absolutely freaked out at being in a foreign country with his best friend going to a wedding he had absolutely no connection to whatsoever? He wasn't sure himself.

“What even is your family, do you have boats?" Scorpius asked as he threw himself on one of the beds. "We are 7 uncles, 6 aunts, way too many kids, and a bad case of inbreeding back in the 1600s." Dominique sassed, grinning at him.

“Fuck you, I’m going to sleep.” Scorpius crawled underneath the blankets. “It's 2 in the afternoon," Dominque pointed out but Scorpius just groaned. "You're still wearing your clothes," he groaned again, turning over in the bed. "Okay, man, knock yourself out." They ended up saying, walking out of the bedroom.

About 30 seconds later Scorpius emerged from the bedroom, his hair already ruined.

"You couldn't do it, could you?"

"Life is difficult, death is difficult, why does sleep have to be difficult too?" Scorpius groaned and let himself fall on the couch. "You wanna get a drink? It's always happy hour in Portugal." Dominique suggested, to which Scorpius replied, mumbling ' _please_.'

-

After finding out it is not always happy hour in Portugal, especially not rural Portugal, the two friends drove circles around town in their rental car, searching for a supermarket, an idea that would work, because they were cheap and there's no better place to buy cheap shit than a supermarket in Portugal.

"Dude, my uncle Charlie just texted me," Dominique looked at their phone wide eyed. " ' _Just heard you arrived, we're all looking forward to having you at the qedding.'_ Scorpius what the fuck is a qedding?" Scorpius parked the car, still getting used to the different side of the road. "Wait he just texted again," Dominique unlocked their phone and let out a scream.

"He means 'wedding', since when was there a wedding!" They yelled, throwing their hands up. Scorpius pulled the phone from their hands and started typing. "I just asked him for a copy of the invitation." Scorpius defended himself, handing back the phone."

" _'B. T. W, could you send a picture of the invite, I think I've lost it._ ' That's totally not how I text." Dominique complained. "But 'uncle Charlie' thinks you do." The familiar 'bzzz' of a notification sounded. "Apparently he does." Dominique agreed, reading from their phone:

" ' _James P. and Teddy L. are inviting you to the most magnificent day in the history of magnificent days, because we are getting married! R.S.V.P as soon as possible, other information enclosed._ ' Holy shit, Jamie and Teddy?" Scorpius blinked, who?

"Please tell me why this is also new information to me, first the location and now this." Dominique nodded wildly. "My uncle didn't tell me anything about a wedding, he just said ' _small friends and family ceremon_ -' ooh, sor-" "Don't worry, I guess you skipped over it." Scorpius assured

Weirdly, skipping over wedding invitations and other important parts of texts, emails or letters were kind of Dominique's trademark, they loved to read, but in an attempt to somehow get as much information in as little time they started just reading a few sentences a paragraph, trying to absorb all information from those pieced together words, and somehow it nearly always ended up semi-okay.

"Do I know need a wedding gift? Is that a thing people do? What even is a wedding? Why is marriage a thing Scorp?" Dominique rambled. "You're 26, figure it out yourself." Scorpius began driving again, seeing a bright sign pointing somewhere out of town, but there was a shopping cart on it, so there he went.

"Hey, Scorp, do you remember that time when you were nice to me?"

"Huh?"

"Yeah neither do I."

Scorpius felt like he had to shout 'oof very loudly to show that he had been hurt, but he was a responsible adult, so he just shouted very softly. "Just, you're an art graduate, you can just paint something."

"That helps," The red head thought. "I have my painting stuff, I'll just buy some wood and do it in the hotel room." Scorpius blinked. "Was that sarcasm or are you genuinely going to do a wood painting in the hotel room?" 

"A wood painting in the hotel room?"

"Oh why McFucking not."

The blond parked the car and stepped out, feeling the warm air on his face. Dominique was already running to grab a shoppingcart and motioned for him to come too.

The two walked into the gigantic supermarket and Dominique immediately dove into the alcohol isle, also immediately turning around and pulling Scorpius with them. "Look," They ordered. He looked into the isle, but was pulled back again. "You have to look like you're not looking," they added quickly.

And there he went walking past the isle, looking like he wasn't looking, and there they were, some people that looked very much more perfect than he was and in the middle Albus, not just any Albus, fucking _Albusthinks_  standing in the middle of the alcohol isle next to some people from his past videos.

"Well," Scorpius said, standing in front of Dominique in the candy isle, an angry looking Latino guy grabbing marshmallows from the rack behind them. "I'm fucked."

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to check out my tumblr it is [https://bananaenae.tumblr.com/post/179424322499/iamascorpius]()
> 
> thanks for reading


End file.
